My relationship with my ex-husband and his wife is healthy, loving and we all do what is best for the our children.
My relationship with my ex-husband and his wife is healthy, loving and we all do what is best for the our children.
We have a mutual respect and get along well. We spend time together at games like we always have, we have a good times together like we use to and my daughter has a great loving relationship with her father.
Everything is forgiven and forgotten. And we move on as a happy co-creative family.
I am practicing forgivness and really trying not to focus on what has happened.
My teenage daughter, her father and his wife have not been getting along. She has been coming home miserable from her weekend visits and it's been getting worse.
I sent him a sincere message suggesting that we all sit down and figure out what is going on with her, why they are not communicating and see if we can come up with a solution. We always had good communication, so I thought the suggestion would be well received.
Essentially, my ex-husband forwarded my message to his wife, his wife responded to him BUT ACCIDENTLY SENT IT TO ME!.
It was the most venomous, heartless, hateful email I have ever seen. The hateful remarks she made about me and my daughter were unbelievable and I was shocked at first and then devastated.
I was really hurt because for years I thought we had a good relationship, we talked, we would sit together at the kids football games, I really believed we were all partners in raising the kids and I took pride in the fact that I had a good relationship with my ex-husband and his wife.
Little did I know how she REALLY felt about me and my daughter and my heart was broken.
I don't know how to fix this.
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Things to Think about
You may want to think about. The relationship may need to be approached differently with her dad. I would suggest you look at whether you are caretaking her father's relationship. Your daughter is old enough now to discuss with him. I would suggest your daughter ask her father, What kind of relationship do you want? For her to tell her father what kind of relationship she wants. But she needs to be respectful to him as her father. I have done this with my daughter and has brought us a lot closer emotionally. It take the emotion out of your realm and places the responsibility between them. It will help them BOTH grow in their relationship. She will appreciate you more in the long run.
Give people the responsibilty for the realtionship.
Just a thought
Dr A
You are a wonderful, strong
You are a wonderful, strong woman and you have the power to help your daughter deal with this situation. Peace to both of you!
Melanie - Melos
Thank you all for your gracious support and intentions.
Every single comment to this intention has helped me view this with a whole new perspective and I feel that I am getting to the state forgiveness much sooner than I had anticipated.
I just want to thank all of you for your kind words, your inspiration and suggestions.
You all have been a blessing to me and my family!!
Lisa
excellent oppertunity
Dear,
Send out good blessing thoughts to her probably she will under go a real change and start liking your daughter and you will all be fine
wow ouch
wow i just wanted to tell you that you are a phenomenal woman, you are a good person and thats all that matters is that you know that and what they say or do or think could never NEVER undo that.
Just Love
I can only imagine how it must have felt as you read that e-mail -- I know there must be a sense of betrayal as well as everything else.
I don't believe there are ever "accidents." You got that e-mail so that you would know the truth that your daughter was speaking.
I also believe that what your ex's wife was expressing was really about HER not you. We only express what we are.
As other's have said, this is an opportunity -- to forgive her, to realize this was really a cry for attention from her husband, and to have compassion that her feelings about her life are so terrible --- this is not about you and your daughter -- you can just BE love.
And of course, let your daughter decide where she wants to be
Blessings, Angelica
What a great perspective.
Angelica,
Your comment on how it was a cry for attention from her husband is something I never even considered it, and I think you're absolutely right! Thank you so much for your support, that just gave me a whole different perspective. Wow...I feel a lot better!!
Thanks a bunch and many blessings!
Lisa
a shock but . . . .
Yes, that message must have thrown you for a huge loop. But there may be an opportunity to grow closer by trying to talk it through at least. Good luck and I wish you the best in my thoughts and prayers.
Lisa, that email must have
Lisa,
that email must have rocked you back considerably. How shocking to see a side of a person you didn't even know existed.
But what an opportunity to grow! I know you will come out of this more loving and supportive than before.
(That email may just be a sign that they are aware of the problems and are frustrated that they haven't been able to come up with a solution. She may have lashed out due to frustration and not an animosity toward you.)
Bart
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Hooray, for the world! I am glad to be on it!
You're right!
Hi Bart,
You're right it did rock me back A LOT!
And I want to Thank you again for this forum because I have received many personal emails of support and I'm so thankful to everyone!
As you said that email was to make us all aware of some problems, but the problem was that my daughter was coming home and telling me how horrible she would feel over there and because I didn't want to make things worse, I would down play it. Little did I know that she was much more intuitive than I was and absolutely correct in her feelings. Maybe the universe sent me that message to let me know that Chelsea needed to be validated.
So, we both have to forgive and move on, she will work on repairing the relationship with her father first and foremost, and maybe someday she will be able to have somekind of a relationship with her stepmother.
As you can imagine I turned into "Mama Bear" to protect my child and it wasn't pretty!!! LOL.
Thank you again,
Lisa
"Mama Bear" LOL That "Mama
"Mama Bear" LOL
That "Mama Bear" instinct is there for a reason. Just can't let it get out of control. (And now that I have children, I finally see how easy that is.)
Bart
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Hooray, for the world! I am glad to be on it!